The 3 Minute Angels’ “Happiness in action” service brings up a few things I’d like to talk about. Yes there’s an element of plugging here (this is 3MA Corporate Happiness after all!), but I’m convinced there’s really positive things a workplace will get out of it.
The 3MA line is that the stimulation of hormones such as Serotonin (a product of massage) enhances a positive outlook. This being coupled with positive affirmations (from the Happiness Institute) and both being practiced over time (and documented) results in an enlivened workplace with happier and more productive staff (and yes lets not forget the employers, you’ll feel the love too!)
But I’ll have to refrain from proving this with evidence-based research or stats and leave this up to the Positive psychologists. I’m never sold on evidence-based arguments anyway – I’m more of the old school Plato’s analytical lineage. Really that’s an inflated way of saying: “I don’t really like reading statistics!”
So, I’m going to have to reason this thing out…
I don’t want to discount the effects of seratonin (I feel great after the gym and a resulting serotonin boost) but I see a few vital things that might surpass feel good natural chemicals or even happiness.
Did I say there’s even better things than happiness?
When you’re getting a good shoulder massage, you’re chatting away and getting some positive afirmations, you’ll start to embrace the lightness of being human. When I say ‘the lightness of being human’ I mean the great things about humanity that come naturally to us – a conversation, touch, laughter, interaction, smiles, good fresh breaths of air etc. So, somewhere amongst these moments, a freedom from all the “I should / shouldn’t do this or that” can arise. Its a chance for this directive nature and the internal noise it causes to ease off for the time being. We’re less directive and more reflective (sorry just had to use that ryhme).
So to take it a step further, I see this ‘lightness of being human’ as a form of meditation, maybe in its more accessible and ‘natural’ form. In some ways meditation (for me anyway) is laden with expectation stifling its potential benefits. For example I expect I’m going to be relaxed during meditation – but I can’t get completely relaxed because I’m comparing my present relaxation with how I expect my relaxed state should be. Its this expectation, this comparision, and these thoughts that tighten their grip when I attempt to turn down the internal chatter station.
But when I have a moment out of my routinue – moments of freedom to just let go of expectations, there’s a good chance I’ll enjoy the lighter qualities of my humanity. Now this is where I’m going with the “better than happiness” claim. I see happiness as a natural state of being unihibited and the most acheivable form of inhibition is acceptance. Acceptance that I am a human being with imperfections, hang-ups, anxieties etc. – the things i usually beat myself up over become just part of my humanity or in other words the everyday experience of who I am. When I see life more as a string of experiences there’s less need to attach good and bad labels to what I’m doing or what I’m thinking. Its about letting go and just being.
This state (I’m not even sure its a state) surpasses happiness because its permanent. Allowing ourselves then to enjoy our humanity with moments that break the routine of our everyday life give us a chance to experience this.
3MA have put together a competition around this very blog, so there’s a little incentive to post some comments and its always nice to win some stuff.
I’m really interested to hear your thoughts on these topics – maybe personal experiences about getting by at work, or something philosphical, perhaps just let me know (kindly or not) that I’m full of it!
Whatever you like really…
Here’s the extract from the latest 3MA newsletter that explains it more:
“We want these tips to be shared, experienced and viewed by as many people as possible, to help us achieve this, we’re giving away two tickets to this year’s Melbourne Cup to the person who makes the best contribution to our blog. This will be judged by the most follow-on comments and the best comment by way of insight.
If you needed another fantastic incentive to visit our blog, all throughout May we are giving anyone who comments on the blog $5 per hour off their next visit if they book and pay for their session before May 30th.”
A post I wrote on strategies for a difficult workplace covered a technique for transforming unhelpful patterns of thinking (unhelpful meaning thinking patterns that add that extra baggage – the sort of baggage that’s good to let go of from time to time). I’m actually really talented at holding on to such baggage but I’m slowly learning to loosen my grip.
The strategy is pretty simple. Write down the type of thoughts that are always nagging for your attention or the one’s that bring up strong emotions. Then look at these thoughts objectively – maybe think about different perspectives or other options. At that point jot down an alternative response based on the reality of the situation and a healthier emotional response as the objective.
Not so simple, right? I figure the difficulty might come from being so entrenched in the situation that stepping back isn’t always so easy. An interesting idea I came across last week might prove useful.
Basically we could categorize our thinking patterns into unhealthy (the internal critic) or healthy (our ally). I usually dislike the idea of dissecting myself into multiple personalities (I am really one person) or breaking up thinking into simplistic categories but I can relate to sometimes being a bit too much the internal critic and so by default I guess it’s feasible to have an internal ally.
The internal critic is fairly self explanatory: it’s the pessimistic fear monger and the ally is kind of the polar opposite. The ally is like the good friend – always encouraging and not afraid to give you a dose of reality. So with that combination the ally always offers sound advice. The crux then is that we are the audience (of the two) and we can control who speaks the loudest (i.e. the internal critic, who isn’t that helpful or the ally – the one more encouraging and useful for smoother sailing).
Although the critic can also be fairly helpful.
I’m reminded of Eckhart Tolle who wrote the Power of Now. His internal critic forced him to say something to the effect of: “I can’t live with myself anymore”. He then realized that this just doesn’t make any sense. How could he be in one moment a person who’s thinking he can’t live with himself and the person’s who’s objectively coming up with that conclusion at the same time? At this point he realized the freedom of just being in the moment (as this is where we are right now all the time anyway).
So in an instant the person who he couldn’t live with (in the past – that doesn’t exist in the present anyway) and the person built up with expectations we hope to become (that does not exist either) is just dropped. The burden finally released.
There’s an interesting concept I came across the other day called shallow teaching. It can also be extended to what is called shallow management. It seems contradictory at first glance to what a teacher to pupil or manager to employee relationship seeks to achieve (by straight interpretation of the term) but there’s so much more to it. The concept is based on the most effective form of motivation and that is that an individual’s motivation is strongest (or most effective) when it’s wrapped around a sense of ownership.
For instance, I could tell an employee (if I had employees!) a possible solution to a problem and explain at length the steps he/she should take to get it done. The motivation that drives that employee would be centered on pleasing the supervisor, maintaining a good relationship and ultimately keeping the job!
A shallow management style would approach the situation differently. The supervisor would approach the employee and appear ‘out of depth’. For example I’d approach my hypothetical employee (let’s call him Tim) and inform him of the problem at hand. I’d sit down with Tim for a while in an attempt to ‘nut out’ the problem and rather than just come up with solutions, I’d guide him towards the solution and an action plan (which I already had) but also I’d give him space to add his individual spin on things. When we get to that solution, I’d complement Tim on his great idea and tell him I look forward to seeing how it all comes about. This might take a little longer than a directive approach but it’s worth the time when you consider the outcome. The directive approach also tends to launch the sabotaging ‘I want to prove him wrong’ thing.
So, Tim now is not just motivated but becomes inspired. He came up with this great idea (he now owns it – he probably put a good spin on things anyway) and now he’s all fired up to get things happening and to see the idea come to fruition. He’s no longer motivated by external factors (pleasing the boss / keeping the job), because he’s now inspired by his own ideas and his motivation (or inspiration) comes from his positive sense of self (and holding on to that). So Tim is now inspired and becomes so much more effective.
There’s another take on this called the shallow selling. Its about setting up a situation where your potential client solves his or her problem by coming across your product.
Psychologist, Danuta Banachowicz who specializes in Rational Emotional Behavioral Therapy discusses ways to deal with challenging work colleagues. Don’t worry (my colleagues), I’ll actually find those I work with easy to get along with.
I’ve taken the example of a boss hating situation, as I know I’ve been there before and it’s one of those things that tend to get people down. It’s also a real life issue that illustrates the benefits of changing our patterns of thinking. So, watch the video and get some valuable strategies that should help in any difficult situation…
Really in an attempt to spend less time on screen (hopefully more time outdoors!), I’ve made the decision to mix in a little video content. Here’s my first video post explaining in more detail what this blog is about. Enjoy!
